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Why move to Dubai?

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Money For the past few years, I have seen my closest friends move abroad: Miami, Singapore, Toulouse, Haute-Savoie. After a flurry of departures to Luxembourg (for the climate), the latest trend is a little more exotic: Dubai. With Pierre-Alexandre, we decided to go to Dubai with our children, because we only think about the money and it looks really nice!

Very well. Curious by nature, I said to myself, “If they leave, there must be a reason? I dug around for you, to see what was going on in the land of camel escorts.

Dubaï, Doubaï, Doubitchou

Nothing describes Dubai better than wikipedia: ‘Dubai is a city and emirate in the United Arab Emirates known for its luxury shopping, ultramodern architecture and vibrant nightlife. The Burj Khalifa, an 830 meter high tower, dominates the cityscape dotted with skyscrapers. At its foot, the Dubai Fountain features jets and lights synchronized with music. Atlantis, The Palm is an offshore water park hotel with marine animals located on man-made islands.
It’s true that right away, it sets the tone. Culturally, it is between Rome and Florence.

On the website of the tourist office, Dubai is presented as a city on the move. Ah well, you surprise me that it moves! In fact, the city is constantly under construction. Real estate bubble or not, a hotel or shopping center grows there every month. A sort of Las Vegas of the Middle East.

Diversity, safety, quality of life: incredible Eldorado!

The list of benefits of living in Dubai is obviously incredible!

Starting with security. In Dubai, you can leave your car open, the door of your house open, you will have ‘no problem’. Why ? Education? Perhaps. Maybe also if you get caught stealing a fruit, it’s jail or even extradition. A Singapore hard version.

But Dubai is above all the money of superb professional opportunities, in companies at the cutting edge of CO2: petrochemicals, finance, textiles… Which as we all know, are the best for our planet. There are not even taxes to pay! Of course, there are no contributions for retirement, nor unemployment in case of glitch. But you will see a little further down that there is always a way to scratch more money…

Then again, this quality of life ! In Paris you take the metro, you go into your poorly heated T2… Oh no, in Dubai, you go home, you have Priya who cleaned up your party from the night before and prepared food! What happiness! ‘What do you mean, she’s Indian and exploited? I pay her $200 a month, you’re kidding! She is so smiley! Bullshit with your ‘modern slavery’…. Communist! Yellow jacket !

Religion, sex and luxury

I know what you are thinking: this is a Muslim country, very hard, where women are not free. You are mistaken! The country, and especially Dubai, is very open to money to other cultures. It is true that after reading the Koran, its values of sharing, redistribution, humility. It’s a bit difficult to understand that a tower of 830 meters high that cost 1.5 billion is there, in the middle of the desert. But what you haven’t understood is that they are progressives. Nuance.

So there is no obligation to do your 5 prayers a day. But don’t forget to spend your money. A universal value.

Instagrammers and dignity on the downside

Classic reflex, I didn’t go very far, I looked at what came to my mind the fastest when I typed ‘go live in Dubai’. I was not disappointed! I quickly came across an influencer from back home who had gone to live there. clickbait like nobody else:

instagrammer in Dubai
Title in CAPITALS, bling bling photos, etc.

It’s true that if you do a tour on instagram, there are dozens of influencers who will make little weekends in Dubai, leaving alone. Well, that’s strange.

Did you say ‘sponsorette’?

Digging around for five minutes, I found out about these female instagrammers who are Dubai fans. Did you think they were going to Dubai to become veterinary assistants and take care of camels too? They take care of camels, indeed. With glasses, who speak fluent Arabic and have a passion for big breasts.

Welcome to the world of ‘sponsorettes‘, where you can be paid 10,000 to 40,000€ per weekend. Good camel training then! Let’s be serious: yes, it’s prostitution. You will tell me, they do what they want. YES. On the other hand, if I tell you that some people are paid to defecate on them, or to masturbate camels, what would you say?

For those who think I am exaggerating, here are the links: link 1, link 2

Sponsorette in Dubai
Aren’t we good here? Peaceful, cool …

Dubai, to get closer to nature!

To end on a happier note, I said to myself: they are going to Dubai because they are aware of climate issues. Ah the lucky ones… They will have a front row seat to the best of the best!

On the spot, the climate is a true happiness. Winter for them is summer for us. As I write this (12/12/19 at 10:45pm), it is 21 degrees in Dubai (at 1:45am). On the other hand the feeling in summer…. Put your head in front of an oven, open the door: that’s it, you got it. But don’t panic! There is air conditioning everywhere and everything is designed to make this period bearable. As in Doha, they are also working to air condition the streets. It would be difficult for Jenny to buy her 4th Gucci handbag.

I’m not talking about the water parks with marine animals, the near absence of public transportation, the haphazardly constructed buildings that are sprouting up everywhere with the same sanitary standards as on line 13… Fortunately, they are cheap to build and we can hire slaves Cheap Indonesian and Pakistani ! HOURA !

The last word

Even digging into the subject, and almost without bad faith, I can only see one reason to move to Dubai: the M-O-N-E-Y. Humanly speaking, it’s zero. On the other hand, if you like LVMH and praying in front of the Burj Khalifa tower, you should find your happiness. Have a good journey!


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Thomas Wagner
Prendra sa retraite quand le réchauffement climatique sera de l’histoire ancienne

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